My Mom Logic

Mom Logic, What is that? It is no surprise that there is nothing logical about being a Mom. Everything related to motherhood is illogical. Logic means that there is some reason or sound judgement behind an action. Thus, telling me Motherhood is completely Illogical. 

I am actually thinking that motherhood might just be a disease, a highly contagious one at that. I’m going to call it illogical Mom Logic Syndrome or IMLS for short. It can affect any Women in love with a child, whether a biological or adoptive Mom, a favorite Aunt or even a new Grandmother. Symptoms usually include enlarged thighs and rear ends, drooping breasts, bags under the eyes. It has been known to cause completely irrational outbursts of emotion, such as crying during Kodak commercials. Or even forcing your children to watch Susan Boyle sing “I dreamed a dream” on youtube, bawling uncontrollably through each viewing.

Why do Mothers afflicted with IMLS cry? Because we have the ability to take a message out of the most illogical thing and apply it to us. This disease has taken over our ability to separate the non-Ivanovsky children things of this world, and the things that I can turn around and make be about the Ivanovsky children. For example, your little brother’s friends, uncle’s neighbor, had a leopard gecko that had a red scab that turned out to be reptile fungal disease. The rolodex of stored child ailments my kids have had is spinning in my brain. In my head I am thinking, “My Emma had a scab like that three years ago, it is gone now but maybe it could have been….”

We can’t think about things normally anymore once afflicted with IMLS syndrome. We are worried about lice, ring worm, ticks and other appropriate dinner time topics. Did the children get enough to eat for breakfast and how many bowel movements have they had this week? 

Along with IMLS syndrome Mothers are usually afflicted with some type of delusional self – image hallucinations. No matter how “hot” our spouse declares us, we torture ourselves with tankini’s and ill fitting capris. We go to tanning salons to try and camouflage the cottage cheese on our thighs by melting it off or confusing being tan with being skinny. 

But the most crippling part of IMLS is the inability to accept and realize that the antidote for this disease is with us all the time, usually wiping their little noses on our shoulder. It is our children in everything wonderful that they do all day that rescues us from everything ill-logical in this world and saves us when we have no hope left. 

That is my Mom Logic.