The classic American Gothic portrait by Grant Wood was painted in the 1930’s. We had the opportunity today to visit the little farm house in Eldon Iowa that was the inspiration for the iconic painting. It was actually quite fun, Paul and I were able to dress up and take our picture in front of it. We look good pretty stoic don’t you think? No, the picture isn’t photo shopped, we were really there!
Let me take you back about 6 hours.
I drop Paul off to play golf with his best friend from college for his birthday. As I pull away and decide which way to go I realize that I have really no where TO go. I am in the middle of Iowa, no joke, like smack in the middle of the state. For them to play a round will take about 4 hours, so I need to entertain 7 kids in a packed vehicle, in a strange city. I also need to find a decent internet connection so I can blog.
Solution: McDonalds. Every town has one right?
We entertain ourselves for a few hours, I blog, the kids eat fries and ketchup. Rather, the baby bathes herself in it, but what do I care, she is happy.
My sweet husband calls and informs me I can come and get him. Toss the kids in the car, and take off. Now, we have a 9 passenger suburban, fully loaded for a road trip for 10 days. There is not much extra space. The least lucky child is the one who has to sit in the 3rd row directly behind the driver. It is like an obstacle course to get in that spot. It is cramped and never the right temp and usually ends in tears and a fist fight over who has to sit there.
Today the 6 year old sat there. She had the most coveted spot the day before between the driver and front seat passenger so today was her day in the back.
I am happily barreling down the highway, while the kids played with their electronic devices, read and listened to music all completely happy. Then I hear the WORST possible sentence scream from the middle row.
“MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Storie (the cramped 6 year old) is throwing up!!!!!!!!” My 10 year old yells at the top of her lungs. I don’t blame her.
I look in the rear view mirror to see the 8 year old, who had been sitting next to the puker, jumping over the back bench and into the middle seat. The 4 year old, who was also in the very back, was trying frantically to go ANYWHERE else, but couldn’t get out of the car seat.
“Someone HELP her!!!!” I am yelling at the middle bench which is full of older children.
I was on a 2 lane highway with no shoulder, so I had no choice right at the moment but to keep driving.
“Oh My GOSH! I am seriously going to puke” the 14 year old yells, as he rolls down the window sucking our eardrums out with it. The other non-helpful older kids are all staring at the poor kid puking wide eyed and motionless.
Like a scene from Stand By Me, my 6 year old continues to vomit without stopping, everything she could have possibly eaten in the past 3 weeks.
“Get her SOMETHING to throw up into…. NOW!!!!!” I scream at kids. “What are you doing staring at HER! HELP HER!!!!”
No one moves. They are completely entranced. The baby who is sitting directly in front of her is twisting her body around trying to see what is going on. I am screaming directions from the front seat at 70 miles an hour, as there are cars behind me and no where to turn off. Finally, after threatening lives, my bigger kids pull it together enough to hand her a baby sock.
A. BABY. SOCK. Yes, they pulled the sock off the baby and handed it to the 6 year old as she was done vomiting a gallon of puke so that she might wipe off her chin. I WAS GOING TO KILL SOMEONE. I pulled off the road and into the parking lot of the golf course where my husband was waiting with friends to introduce his family to them. I stop, jump out of the car, and start yanking kids out and into the parking lot yelling at them for being useless. I grab the poor 6 year old and wisk her to the bathroom.
The clean up took almost an hour. Then we made the older kids draw sticks to see who sat there.
Back on the road, we saw the sign for the American Gothic historical site. We decided to stop so that we could air out the car for a minute. They had clothes you could dress up in, and I needed a break, so my husband played along. Still stressed from the earlier episode, I avoided all my kids on purpose and read every little sign in the mini museum. The nice lady who ran it volunteered to take our picture for us.
“Now remember, don’t smile” she said.
Yea, not a problem I was thinking to myself.
“Wow, you guys were really good at that!” She joked. “I don’t have kids yet, but when I do, I am going to take them on road trips, just like this!” She happily told us.
I am framing that picture. Someday, my grandkids are going to ask, “Why are you and Grandpa so unhappy?” I can tell them it is because I was traveling with your parent!
Part comedian, part Dad, part athlete. He will boss around your children while they play ball.
Just as angelic as she looks, this girl could easily raise a Village by herself, and all the children would grow up to be President.
Self proclaimed, she would be a webkinz dog. Because, "they're cute, and puppies are too. And they're sweet and they always get along with other puppies."
This mini-Martha Stewart can handle ANY craft you send her way. She isn't all bows and rainbows, she's got karate kid moves!
Not "Pick-Me-Up" like caffeine, she wants you to pick her up! AND NOW!
Anything that can be destroyed WILL be destroyed!
Practically Perfect in Every Way for now! Nicknamed "The Panda" she is rolly polly and lives by the motto, "the little one, is KING!"
The resident Labradoodle, Miller got his name because Mom won and got to name the baby! Need something chewed up? He'll take care of it. Especially if it's expensive..
I do enjoy your stories! Makes me feel normal to know others are in the same crazy boat!
Classic! Travel with kids for any amount of time & someone’s gonna puke!! I have 5 myself, so I know what you’re talking about. Before I had kids I had the weakest stomach ever, I couldn’t even smell something gross w/o gagging, now, I just reach back, while still driving, clean it up with whatever is available that I don’t mind throwing away, pull into the nearest trash can, toss & hand the kid a babywipe!! Parenting is SO MUCH FUN!! Thanks for keeping it real!
I am sitting at working gigglying and the office is looking at me like I am nuts. But I was remembering my family vactions just like that oh joy. Tiffany and Paul don’t blink cause in it is over in a second.
I LOVE IT!!! I was actually laughing out loud. 🙂 We haven’t gone on too many road trips with the kids yet. Now I know what to look forward to.
haha cracked up again!!7 kids myself and have had a similar thing happen to me once!!we have a 12 passenger van, so we have a little more room to rearrange children, but my pukey kid was in a car seat..not easy to clean up while on a 3 hour drive to eye specialist!!older kids watched like it was a cool video!!glad i am not alone!!
How terrible for everyone, especially the one puking! Cars should come equipt with vomit bags just for this very reason. Don’t you hate it when kids act useless,lol! Hope the rest of the vacation was much better and puke free:)
OH MY GOSH!! I am at work at could not help but let out a little giggle. It is so awesome how real you are and tell us the REAL stories of parenting and make me feel so happy to know I am not alone in this insane life we call Parenting!!!
Being an Iowan, I can sympathize with many areas of this story…but thankfully haven’t had a puker in the car yet! Next time you need entertainment in Iowa, let us natives know an we’ll show you some fun spots. State Fair in August, hot air balloons in late July/early Aug., sprint car races all summer, and year-round stuff like the Science Center & Living History Farms. Surely we can do better than a McDonalds in the middle of nowhere!
Love your stories and blog – and someday your kids will have a great time reliving their childhood by re-reading these! Thanks for sharing the laughs and I hope the smell in the ‘burban is better by now 🙁
Oh my gosh. This is the best story ever. I really love your “litter” so much. I sometimes feel like I could easily lose my mind at any and every moment every day with my mini-litter consisting of a 12 year old pre-teen boy and 2 toddler boys. ANY Minute. EVERY day.
I was laughing so hard at this I was in tears! I remember this happening with my cousins… One started puking and someone gave her a party hat (you know, with a little hole at the top of the cone) to puke in… So it just dripped right out the bottom. This made my other cousin start puking so he decided to stick his head out the window to puke. Only he was in a van where the windows didn’t roll down. So he gets out of his seat and sticks his head out the drivers side widow to puke as my uncle drove. A legendary story in our family as I’m sure this will become for your family!
HaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Boy, did we all need to laugh after this week! Be blessed all of you that have these kinds of moments!
This is so funny. I too have a puker who always he stuck in that back seat because she’s still too small to handle the twins int he middle row. But, wow a baby sock….smallest sock in the vehicle. Thanks a million for making me laugh! I’m going to read this over dinner tonight….hahahahhahaha!
Oh I feel your pain! My husband and I went out for a great dinner with friends last Saturday night (w/o kids) which we NEVER get to do. As luck would have it, I started throwing up sometime during the night after we got home. So I was sick Sunday/Monday. Husband starts Monday, but as we all know, men just get sicker than women, right?…and he’s still ‘feeling rocky’ on Friday. Younger son starts throwing up about midnight Wednesday after I’ve just driven back 3 hours from taking older son to/from a lacrosse game. I kid you not, I’d been in bed for like 30 minutes when it started. Finally took him to the doctor yesterday after he’d (in his words) “puked in 3 out of 4 bathrooms” in the house- probably 15 times. Yikes. Even the dog went into hiding. My only saving grace is that we weren’t trapped in a car! Ugh….
Oh Tiffany I love you and your pukey munchkins.
Oh that is awesome. Happy Birthday Paul. We are totally lame for not calling. You guys sound like you are having fun…or at least making memories!
My grandmother always had a cleaned out milk jug with the top/side cut off and the handle left on as a puke bowl in the car anytime she was on any kind of a road trip with grand kids. This story is making me think I ought to make one of those…
Love the way you wrote it. I died at the baby sock!!!
Do you need a Nanny? I want in on the fun!! Love the family stories!! Happy Birthday Paul hope you enjoyed your golf outing. Safe Travels home.
I love your stories! Lol
I had something similar happen except it was when my water broke at 10:00 pm at night. Kids where all in bed my husband and I are getting ready for bed. We hear our oldest daughter run in to her bathroom and pukeing but poor thing didnt make it so all the bathroom was decorated by my then 8 yr old. Lol as my husband gets up brings her to our room hes having the Omg face im gonna puke from the smell I decide to take over and attempt to get up from our bed, doing so my water breaks I scream JOEL my water broke! He almost knocks down my pale faced 8 yr old to get to me, she starts puking again he runs and wakes up our boys to head to the hospital. I completely try and keep calm and while my husband is screaming get up put ur shoes on!!! We jump in our van to leave. while we are driving I think oh gosh I didn’t bring her a bucket and soon after she pukes again my 10 year old is sucking air from the window my 4 year old is screaming Mom!!!! She’s throwing up!!!. I look at my husband and all we can do is laugh and say REALLY!!!! And we are having another??
P.s. we forgot about the kids bathroom when she threw up the first time!
LOL hilarious! I have 5 myself and those are the funnies down the road. Thanks for being real and sharing. It is nice to know its not just my kids who will just watch the other is in similar situation freeze.
Oh my goodness that was a hilarious read! Watchout Bloggess, The Litter, is going to be the next Houston blogger to write a sensationally funny book that tops the charts!! I just love the photo of y’all in front of the farmhouse! And my favorite was scrolling down and then there was a photo of the van seating.
I’m so glad I’m a grandma now… It’s so much easier… lol..
My daughter and her husband had to drive in the car with their dog that had been skunked… The ride was miserable.. The dog, car and my daughter and grandkids smelled like a skunk for a week… She finally spent $60.00 to de-skunk her car… Wouldn’t you know the dog did it again last Wednesday…
Hilarious!! I’ve sooooo been there twice. One with a one year old in a car seat, Sunday night driving through Atlanta! Trust me, there was no place to stop. The other was me driving through the mountains. I’ve never vomit and never get sick in the mountains. When you grab your daughter’s favorite, BELOVED, blanket, the only thing close and continue vomiting in it, we then had her screaming and crying. What a trip!
Okay, I can totally picture that and that is hysterical now. I have been there and done that and I only have 3 boys. You can tell some great stories. You need to keep them in a journal and give it to your kiddos when they are older.
that was funny
I laughed so hard i cried. I am still laughing.
A baby sock.
Oh. I believe it. I believe it.
Useless.
This is one of the reasons I love reading your blog! I love your crazy, real life family/kid stories. Thank you for sharing them! I no longer feel alone in the world when you share things like this. Ha ha. The baby sock was HILARIOUS!
I’m not sure if I can stop laughing….I had kids who were throwing-up over Spring Break too. But of course no bloggable stories to share about it because we were totally boring and staid at home the entire week.
Oh girl! You always know how to tell us about your adventures until we are laughing so hard that we are about to pee on ourselves!!!!!!
You made me LAUGH so hard. Here are my favorite two lines:
as he rolls down the window sucking our eardrums out with it.
and
Finally, after threatening lives, my bigger kids pull it together enough to hand her a baby sock.
I must subscribe to all your media. You make me feel so normal with four.
We just came across your blog today and thought we would thank you for the laugh!
Oh My Gosh! Reading this story just made my day! I only have three, but I could definitely picture the whole thing. I laughed so hard, that I had tears rolling down my face. This is really how parenthood is. It will probably happen again, and you’ll be miserable, but one day when the kids have all grown you’ll miss it. Then they could be like I was and pick up the phone and just say, ” Mom. I love you. You’re awesome, and I don’t know how you did it.” Then you’ll know that they’re learning what they put you through. lol I have probably made that same call to my mom maybe 10 times since third one was born.
Oh my! I needed a good laugh today! I’m so glad those years are behind me. I’ll relive them through you!
FIRST & FOREMOST….I’m SOOOO SOOOO SORRY, for laughing uncontrollably at your post. Really, I promise I’d never want to be there & have that happen, but the way you told it was SOOO SOOO FUNNY!!!! Thanks for that, much needed today.
Good Luck on your next road trip!
Thank you! Looking back it is funny!
Ok…..that was so funny, I almost peed! Thanks for sharing!…