Today marks one month since Emma passed away. It is only getting harder. Every day the pain is getting deeper and deeper as the shock and disbelief of what happened wears off. I have wanted to write about what is happening and what my family and I are feeling and doing but so far it just has been to hard. At some point though I know I will as writing it out helps a little, even if it is just for a few minutes.
You can read my original post here if you need to get caught up.
Emma and I rafting this summer in California
I have quickly realized that people are scared of you when something like this happens. They are scared to approach you or talk to you mostly in fear of saying the wrong thing or making you sad by asking about it. Please know that is actually worse by not saying anything at all. Because that leaves us wondering if you even know, if we should tell you, or if you just don’t care.
We WANT to talk about Emma. We want to think about her. We want to hear your memories of her. Yes, there are some things that you can say that hurt and are insensitive, but speaking for my family we know that it is coming from a good place and you are not trying to hurt anyone, we are just glad you reached out.
Emma at the ballpark
I want to tell you about Emma today. I want to tell you how amazing she was, how kind, generous and gentle. I want to tell you how fierce she was for a little girl and how she never backed down.
Emma was born on a Thursday night. Back in 2000 you might remember that Thursday nights were a big deal on TV with Friends and ER. I had her right in the middle of “Must See TV.” Her labor was very hard. I had her at a birth center with a midwife and no drugs. The contractions for hours were back to back with no space in-between for me to rest. After she was born my midwife who had been delivering babies for 20 years said it was the hardest delivery she had ever seen. Emma was perfect and tiny and so very beautiful. She was dark complected and had the thickest dark hair and long eyelashes with the biggest cheeks.
Out of my 7 babies she was actually the most “difficult” baby and toddler. She never, ever, ever slept. Like, NEVER slept. I was exhausted for 2 solid years until she slept through the night for the first time a week before her little sister was born. She was so tiny. People were always guessing she was 12 months old when she was really 24. I nursed her right up until her sister was born, they are 20 months apart.
Emma playing with Paul in the pool
Emma started walking on January 1, 2001, she was 8 months old. She quickly began running soon after that and never stopped. It was always shocking for people to see her running down the hall at church, being so tiny they didn’t even think she could walk.
Emma was a natural athlete from day one. She had a spark inside her that made her quick and tough. She just got how to be a competitor, it was natural for her. I would tell people all the time just how fun it was watching her play. I loved to see her run the bases and steal home. I hated her playing in high school because many of the games you could not go to when they traveled, or I wasn’t able to go because I needed to be home to get the other kids.
Emma and Andie at Bluebell
Although Emma was small, she was fierce. She never backed down when a bigger girl would come barreling down the third base line right into her as a catcher. She stood her ground. In basketball I have a fond memory of a larger girl bullying Emma’s teammates from the time the game started until she tried to tackle Emma and take the ball away. Emma would have none of it and went complete “spider monkey” on this girl, taking the ball back and willing to get into a fight on the court with a MUCH larger girl over the ball. I was ridiculously proud of her.
As a sports parent I am pretty reserved in the stands. I don’t yell much and try to be positive. One game Emma wasn’t getting to play much and I was frustrated. The coach put her at the back of the line up although she was a good hitter. Emma always hit the best with 2 strikes on her which stressed me out like crazy, but she had a cool and calm head on her and wouldn’t get rattled. This game was super close and very intense. They were down by 2, last inning, and Emma was up with 2 strikes much to the coaches dismay. He had given the game up. Last pitch and Emma hit the ball solid to the left field fence. I literally threw my camera and little kid off my lap, jumped off the bleachers and was climbing the fence like a crazy woman behind home plate screaming “RUN, EMMA, RUNNNNN.” She hit a home run, brought 2 other girls in and slid into home plate as they tried to tag her out. It was the most beautiful sporting moment I had ever seen. I sat there crying tears of relief and because of how proud I was of her. I didn’t even care I had made a total fool of myself.
Paige and Emma on our girls trip to Baltimore
Emma was so kind, she didn’t have a mean bone in her body, and she loved to play cards. The kids have spent hundreds of hours playing cards at my kitchen table. She taught everyone how to play, she loved playing and teaching the little kids most. At her viewing we had kids who we had never met before come up to us and tell us Emma had taught them to play cards. One boy made his Mom take him to the viewing because Emma was one of the only people who he felt like was his friend. She had taught him to play a few card games and would sit quietly with him in class playing cards. It meant so much to him to have someone to sit with in class. Emma never told us about doing any of these things, she never wanted any attention, she just always did the right thing. She was kind. She did it for the right reason and not for a pat on the back. That is a the BEST kind of person.
Imagine Dragons concert
Emma was a natural Mother. She was so at ease with little kids and loved them so much. She couldn’t wait to get home from school to take her little brothers and sisters for bike rides. She would often have her friends drop her off at the little kids school so she could walk them home. I would tell people all the time “I could disappear and no one would notice for weeks because Emma could run everything so well.”
Emma babysat to earn money so she could spend it on her siblings. She often rode bikes to the mall with them and bought them things. On the weekends she would ride with them to get groceries from the store to make pancakes and to the candy house to buy them a treat. When my husband went to California to get her, in her wallet he found over $200. He commented to our daughter Paige about how much money Emma had and Paige told us why… Emma had been saving money for the little kids to buy them souvenirs for a trip we had planned to Orlando. She never thought of herself. The last thing she did for her big brother was give him $50 to spend in China on a trip to see his Grandpa.
Emma was the best kind of person there is. We needed her here with us.
I am finding that as each day goes by it gets harder and the pain deeper. There is a black hole that I feel like I am fading away into and I really don’t care, I miss her so much. All I want to do is see Emma again, to hold her, tell her how much I love her and how sorry I am that this happened to her. The thought of waking up each day for my lifetime feeling this way and missing her makes you feel completely hopeless. Please remember my husband and kids in your prayers.
Part comedian, part Dad, part athlete. He will boss around your children while they play ball.
Just as angelic as she looks, this girl could easily raise a Village by herself, and all the children would grow up to be President.
Self proclaimed, she would be a webkinz dog. Because, "they're cute, and puppies are too. And they're sweet and they always get along with other puppies."
This mini-Martha Stewart can handle ANY craft you send her way. She isn't all bows and rainbows, she's got karate kid moves!
Not "Pick-Me-Up" like caffeine, she wants you to pick her up! AND NOW!
Anything that can be destroyed WILL be destroyed!
Practically Perfect in Every Way for now! Nicknamed "The Panda" she is rolly polly and lives by the motto, "the little one, is KING!"
The resident Labradoodle, Miller got his name because Mom won and got to name the baby! Need something chewed up? He'll take care of it. Especially if it's expensive..
My heart is so heavy for you and your family. I lost my husband in 2008 (10 days before our 11 year wedding anniversary) my loss in no way compares to the loss of a child but it is the only comparison I have. The pain does not go away, time is your best friend and your worst enemy. It is the only thing that will keep going no matter how you are feeling. You learn to live with it, you put one step in front of the other the best way you can. There is no right way to deal and no perfect answer. One day you are able to function and for 3 days you will not be able to get out of bed or shower and that is OK. Keep praying cause although you don’t understand why this would happen God has a plan that is not ours to figure out. I will keep praying for all of you. Love each other and as hard as it is to function don’t miss out on the life of your family as you say Emma was a natural mom and I am sure would not want you to miss a moment of what is going on in her sibling life. Hugs to you and your family.
I’m so heartbroken for you and yours. I have no words except that I love reading about Emma and pray that God sends more people like her into this world.
Thank you for sharing Emma’s beautiful life story with us. Her light shines so bright and my heart hurts for you everyday. You will forever be in my prayers!!!!
I first want to say i could not even begin to understand your pain or emptyness right now. I have a 16 year old daughter and by reading your stories I can feel a fraction of your pain as I cry reading your happy memories and saddest of moments. I think a blog would be wonderful therapy for not only to help process and organize your feelings (i think organization is what youre good at or you wouldnt be in the position youre in to help so many people). But i think your blog would also be so helpful to anyone else who is also suffering this terrible pain that you are. I believe God put you here to help others and that would be another way that you could help while helping yourself.
Oh Tiffany my heart is still broken for you. Your family is in my prayers every night.
Big hugs
Funny how we all get mixed up in our own lives and forget those that need us the most. Pain is something that you never get over. It never fades and it is always there. You get out of bed for your other children and her memory. What a beautiful soul she was and you were so lucky that she picked you and your husband for her parents. Dig deep for God is there and listening. Your great parents and have nothing to regret. You gave your daughter the most beautiful life and she lived it. Other children should be so lucky. Moving on doesn’t mean that you forget her, it means that you live in her light and remember her. When you get that shudder of cool running thru you that is her giving you a hug and telling you everything is going to be ok. Listen to her. It will be ok. My prayers. love and hugs to you and your family.
Your words make my heart hurt. I am SO SO SO Sorry that you and your family have lost this precious girl…I am a born again Christian, so I believe in the afterlife and seeing our loved ones…but I am a mom and grammy too…so I totally “get” the depth of your pain and misery. Please know I am lifting you and your family up to the Lord for healing and comfort. xoxo
I am sure your sadness is overwhelming. I felt the same way when my father died. I was 34 when I lost him. I kept asking God, Why my dad when others my age still have their dads. That was 21 years ago. I now have good memories of him but still miss him. You will always miss Emma. Hopefully time will help ease your pain as it has mine. You expect to lose a parent but not a child. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. I will continue to pray for you and Paul and your children. Continue to lean on the Lord.
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter Emma. It is so hard to lose a part of your family and a part of all your hearts. I can’t tell you when the pain will ease. I can only tell you to reach for God. He understands your pain. And he is the only one that can ease it and bring understanding.
3 months ago my nephew committed suicide at the age of 18. It has been brutal for my whole extended family. Especially for my brother and sister in law. As an Aunt, I still cry at random times. Once in a while I still spend a day in bed just being sad. I know families are forever. But I still wish he was here. One of the hardest things is not knowing how to help my brother and sister in law. All of the firsts have been hard. We just had our first family reunion without him here. We did go to his grave and release blue and white balloons after the BYU football game because he loved watching BYU football. I do know this, my nephew is watching over his cousins. He came in a dream to my 9 year old to let her know that he did know she was going to miss him. This was her biggest concern that he wouldn’t know how much she was going to miss him.
As I said, I don’t know the answer to when it will get easier. I just know that if we reach for God that he will help us. He understands what it is to lose those we love. He can give you the comfort you need. I know he has helped our family.
I am so sorry for your loss. It is terrible for a family to lose a child. It is terrible for aunts and uncles as well.
I am just so sorry for your loss and the pain you feel. I couldn’t even imagine what you are going through, the pain and emotions you feel. I cry for you and your family but mostly for you because this has to be the worst pain a mother could ever have to endure. Her pictures are beautiful and your stories about her are even more beautiful. This is nothing you will ever “get over” and nor should you ever be expected to but I do pray that your pain lessens in the future and you find some kind of peace in the future remembering the good times. Praying for you and your beautiful Emma ❤️❤️
She’s so gorgous Tiffany and was so full of life. We don’t know why things like this happen…especially to the ones that have such a sweet spirit as I’m sure just by your pictures she had. Just know this that her life is touching so many hearts you will never even meet or know. I have no words to help the pain go away…just rest in the knowledge that God always is in control and will bring good out of this horrible tragedy. Much love and prayers to you and Paul and your family…
Tiffany I wish that I could do or say something to take away your pain.. You describe such an amazing child and I’m so sorry this happened to your family.. Please continue to live one day at a time and I pray that one day you find comfort.. I know that you will never stop missing your beautiful Emma but I really hope that Jehovah gives you the strength to live a happy life after this… A few years ago I never thought I could smile again or be happy, but with Jehovah’s help I live one day at a time and have found comfort…
Tiffany,
I have been to 3 of your classes the last several years, I went to Emma’s viewing and I gave you and Paul, Tucker and Paige hugs. I am a big fan of ya’ll and I have been praying for your family and will continue to do so. I wrote you my Mom, my Angel , went to Heaven 12-11-2014. I your know your Angel, Emma, and my Angel are watching over us. Just imagine what it is like in Heaven with Jesus. A perfect place no pain, no suffering, no evil just Love. God is love. Remember you now have an Angel in Heaven. She’s going to continue to watch over her beloved family and her spirit will live on. I know Emma is happy in Heaven with Jesus. She has earned her Angel wings and I believe that everyone that is in Heaven is happy. I know and I do understand that it is so hard. Hugs Love, Barbara
Thank you so much. I am so sorry for your loss as well. Thank you for your support.
I can’t begin to image the pain that u are in. I just wanted to say that u and ur family have a huge support team behind u! I’m still praying for y’all! I pray that u can find a way to not slip into that dark hole because the rest of ur family needs
u! Sending love to u from Arkansas!
My heart breaks for you. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Keep writing and sharing.
My heart is full with admiration of your ability to write your love letters♥
I’m so sorry Tiffany. I can’t imagine the pain and sadness you are all going through. Emma will be remembered by so many including my family. There isn’t a day that goes by where the thought of Emma doesn’t cross my mind. Hugs, prayers and love to all of you.
I’m so sorry for your loss…prayers sent your way very touching and heartbreaking at the same time
I am sorry for your loss and the pain you and your family are going through. I pray the Lord comfort you, hold you, give you strength, joy and love. I thank you for sharing Emma with us and I ache with you. As a mother I feel you pain I will hold you in prayer every day
Hey Tiffany…. The way you talk about Emma is so sweet. I just met you in a coupon class. Remember that day I ask you if I could add your husband in FB…. He said: “Do you know how many women add me?” (Kind of laughing) and I said “yes, but your wife is here, and I feel better asking her”….. Since then, seeing every update you share, every picture you share, made me feel that I know you as a friend. I felt so sad, when I read about Emma. I was that shocked that I talked to friends…. My mom…. Every day since that moment I couldn’t stop thinking about you and your family. There is no word in the world when a mother or a father looses her/his daughter /son…. The only thing I can share with you besides my prayer for you and your family, it’s that our Creator Jehovah promise in his word, the Bible, that all of those that we’ve lost, they’re just like sleeping. And soon, sooner that we think, he’s gonna bring them back to life. He has the power to do it. He is our creator. I can promise you that you are gonna see Emma again. In a different world, because he promise that all that we see right now is going to end. This is not the life he wanted for the human being.
I wanted to let you know that I’m so sad in my heart for what happened. But I pray for you and your family, and I really wish to see in person that moment when you see your wonderful girl again.
Hope to meet you again some day. For now I keep following you here! Thank you for all your help.!
Sending you hugs for you and your family!
– Jenny –
I also suffered the loss of my child, and your post really resonated with me. People always say it gets easier with time, but I’m not sure that I agree with that. I think that we just get better at dealing with it and coping with the loss because that’s what we have to do. My daughter passed away in 1998, and I still have times when the pain seems unbearable. The one thing that gets me through is that I know I will see her again one day. Your loss is still so new that I’m sure she is constantly on your mind, and sometimes it is probably difficult to think of anything else but your pain. Eventually you will be able to find joy in your life again, but it will take some time. You and your family are in my prayers.
I am so sorry for your loss. How have you made it this far?
We actually had an event happen that turned things around for us. If you want to read my story, google my name, Sheryl Grey and Chicken Soup for the Soul Angels Among us. The story is called “The Boy on the Bike.” If it weren’t for what I witnessed that day, I’m not sure where I’d be now. You will make it through this too, even though it doesn’t seem that way right now. Blessings to you.
As I sit and read this I am crying so hard and my heart truly breaks for you. As parents sometimes we tend to not pay enough attention to little details or take them for granted and you are such an inspiration. You remember so well all those things that aome may forget and you know in your heart she learned everything from you. I dont know you personally but I can tell you are a fantastic woman with a heart of gold just like your beloved Emma. She never went a day without knowing you loved her im sure. I will pray for your family but I will pray more for you. God will let you heal in your own timing and he will show you his plan. Although we may not understand it we have to trust that he knows whats best and believe that we will see our loved ones again one day soon. Always believe in each other he is our rock and will never forsake us. Sending lits of love and prayers.your way. Thank you for showing me I need to slow down and be with my babies whole heartedly and everything else can wait.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful Emma with us. I follow you on Twitter and am learning the ropes of saving money through your site. I also have had the privelege of leaning about your family through Twitter and was over joyed when I saw Emma in the picture with the baby goat I believe, when she was in California. My heart then broke in half when you shared what happened to your precious baby girl just a few short days after. I keep praying for you all and I thank you for allowing us to learn more about your beautiful baby girl. From one mom to another, my heart is broke and I am crying tears of sorrow with you. 🙁 May you and your family find your strength renewed every morning by the grace of God.
Thank you
Tiffany, I cried the whole time reading this. I am so so sorry this has happened to your family, or any family. After reading this however, one thing stands out most to me. How so very selfless Emma was. Emma got it. She naturally had what most people on this earth will never see. Perhaps this is why God called her home. Her mission here was fulfilled from the start. I know this doesn’t ease your pain, and I am truly sorry for that. You, Paul and your children are in my prayers. <3
She really did. She got it. Thank you
Oh sweet Tiffany, as I sit here and read your memories of Emma, tears roll down my face. I can’t imagine what you are going through and I pray to all mighty God that I never will. My kids are my life and I also have a daughter who is athletic and I love to go watch her play volleyball. I can only say to you that Emma would not want you to hurt like this. She would tell you that it is okay and not to cry over her. She would want you to carry on, taking care of her brothers and sisters and enjoy life with them. I promise you she is going to give you signs that she is still with you. My niece lost a son 4 years ago and she was so sad and felt so helpless and then he started showing her signs that he was still with her. It makes her feel a little better and she is able to make it another day just knowing that he is watching over her. You don’t ever get over them being gone, you just learn to somehow live with it. What you are feeling is normal, but don’t let it destroy you. Your family needs you ! I hope you and Paul talk to each other and help each other through this. Men don’t show their pain as much as women do, so make sure he is getting the help he needs as well. Trust in the Lord to help your family and I will continue to pray for you.
God Bless
Dawna Miller
Bloomington, IN
Thank you so much
As I read this my heart is truly breaking for you. I do not know your pain and I pray that I never do. We can never be ready for such a tragedy in our lives and will never understand. I am lifting you up in my prayers to the only comfortor that can help in such a time. I pray for peace for all of your family and may The Lord Jesus reach down and hold you during the darkest days which are to follow. May he give you the strength to continue on for yourself as well as your other children and husband who also need you! I ask this in Jesus precious name. Amen
May God be with you and your family. May he hold you tight and help ease your pain. Praying for you and yours.
Esmeralda
This has me in tears! I am so very sorry for your loss! As. Mother of two girls I can’t even imagine the pain you are going through!
Praying for you and your family!
I can’t imagine…I don’t want to imagine…and that’s so selfish of me to even say…but I DO WANT TO REACH THROUGH THE INTERNET AND HUG YOU, HUG YOUR FAMILY, MAKE IT BETTER.
I wish I could make it easier. I wish life was fair. I find myself sulking in my own despair, yet it is nothing and I mean nothing in comparison.
My heart aches for you as a mother. May God wrap his arms around you. May you be comforted by the legacy that Emma left on so many. Emma’s connection with the young boy with whom she played cards with. He felt she was his only friend. Oh what an impression she made!
Bless you dear momma. Bless you. ???
I understand your feelings, I too lost a child, my oldest. She was 16 at the time, it’s been 5 years now. I will pray for you, it’s very difficult journey to make, living in this life without a piece of your heart.
I am so very sorry
Emma seemed like the perfect child, I am terribly sorry for your loss. Words can’t bring your baby home but they can comfort you in this time of need. Reflect back on Emma good deeds (which seems like a never ending list) and smile to yourself, if you need to cry, than cry, if you need to scream than scream as loud as you can
. Whatever you need to do to make Tiffany feel better, I know it won’t complete you but it will be just like taking medicine & help you temporarily. I will be praying for you Tiffany & all of Emma siblings.
She really was perfect. Even in all the teenage girl eye rolling and door slamming, she was perfect.
I am so sorry for the pain and suffering you and your family have due to the death of Emma. I have never lost a child of mine so I can’t say I know how it feels. My grandmother lost 3 of her children before her death and my sister died before our mother. The depression I saw in my mother after my sister’s death was deep and stayed with her until her death. She wouldn’t go for any help. For you and your family, I hope you will seek help from a professional, clergy or a grief group. Please remember all your children need you to help them through the lose of their sister. God bless you and your family.
You break my heart every time I read your postings. I am so very sorry for your loss. It is hard, and I know it hurts, it’s not fair, it makes no sense, the timing sucks even if there is no good time for the death of a child……
I lost my middle bio son in 08, he was 32. I never knew how loved he was by so many until his funeral, it was standing room only, and so many stories of people he had helped in little ways…… I was surprised because his boss took his time putting him in a supervisor position because of how he talked, told him he couldn’t cuss no one out. He didn’t he helped everyone. He wanted to come across and tough and hard, but he was the first to save an animal, or hug a kid.
If you want to cry, then cry.
If you want to scream, then scream.
If you want to run through your house butt naked, then do it (when no one is home!).
Do what you feel like doing when you feel like it!!
And PRAY? , ask why, God will understand your pain, He will comfort you and bring you through it! Just take care of you! Your family needs you, and you need them!
Blessings!!
I love hearing about her and your love and admiration for her <3
Thank you for sharing these thoughts, even though it is painful. When I think of your precious Emma, I think of her gazing into the face of God, & being able to sing praises right to His face. You & Paul have done a wonderful job raising your children to know God, & love Him, & to love & support each other. You are doing the right things by sharing about Emma, & continuing to carry on the dreams & purposes God gave you all as a family. You have the strength of the Lord with in you and you will be able to move on to the next hour, then the next half day, through the next weekend, & so on. You & your family are loved & prayed for.
What a beautiful post about your beautiful girl. I remember you all sitting in our living room this summer asking Ryannes “friend” questions. Paul asked if the angels did his hair every morning. Which had me laughing. Then Emma asked if he liked bacon. He said so she said good I like you then. It was so funny. We love your family. I have followed both yours and Pauls blog for a long time now. Now reading so much about Emma has really made me want to become a better person. To see all the good around me. I am sending you hugs every day. I can’t imagine your pain but am amazed at love that is surrounding you.
My heart hurts so much for you. But reading the last line you will know where her kindness and selflessness came from. Hugs sweet woman.
From personal experience it is dark, ugly, and lonely. No one can do this for you. What a painful journey your all on. I pray that the hopelessness bubbles into the tiniest bit of hope. Emma seems to have cherished her siblings. Honor that. Let them all pull you to the surface. Tears in Houston
I started following your blog about four months ago, and I started following your couponing tips. I read up on your family through this, and when I found out about your sweet daughter Emma, it made me really sad. As a mother I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are feeling. I wish you and your family the strength you guys need to continue going day to day. I will keep your family in my prayers.
Emma RIP! I know that nothing anyone can say to you will make you feel better, just know that because she was such a wonderful human being she is now in a better place, she was too good and that is why God need her by his side.. Be strong for your other kids they still need their momma as well as your husband. I don’t know you guys but I’ll follow you and from I can see and read on your post you guys a super close family, take care…
speechless, but praying for you all
I am so deeply sorry and ache for your sweet family for this tragedy that has occurred! Please know I think and pray for you often. My 8 month old nephew passed away 15 years ago after a tragic accident…the pain and loss was unbearable! What you wrote here was SO beautiful. Words of love from a mama….sweet memories. Thanks for sharing them and her with us….
Tiffany, I have never commented on any website before but felt the need this time. For some reason your story has resonated with me deeply. It hurt just reading this post. Tiffany, your children have already lost an amazing sister and your husband a daughter…please, please don’t let them lose a mother/wife too whether physically or spiritually, either will be another loss to them. I lost my brother several years ago and my mom never recovered and I don’t think she ever will. I lost my big brother and mom at the same time and it still hurts. I am so, so sorry that you are going through this. While you know the Plan, it is hard to understand it when it happens to you. You are in my prayers as well as your family. Let this strengthen your family rather than break it apart.
I am so sorry for your loss as well.
O love hearing about Emma. I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you or your family even though we’re not far. (We are in the Cypress Stake.) Emma sounds like an amazingly incredible young woman! I would be overjoyed if my young daughter’s grew up to be like Emma! I can’t begin to imagine your loss! You and your family are in my prayers!
Each person has to find their own way to manage grief, so I would never suggest a specific method. But please try to find something that works for you, I hate to see you struggling so much. You have suffered the ultimate loss–losing a child….there really isn’t anything worse. It’s a grief and a loss that will always be with you, so for your other children, you have to find a way to manage it. You know Emma wants you to be there for “the littles.”
Thank you. I think it is just going to be a struggle. There is just no way out.
My heart aches for you. I know God will get you and your beautiful family through this sad time. Emma sounds like she was a beautiful soul. We will never know why this has happened, it will never make Sense. I wish I could say the right thing to help ease your pain. Your family needs you. I know you will never be the same, but you will come out of this darkness. May God be with you.
I’m very sorry for your loss I can only imagine your pain and heartache. Your daughter is beautiful and you have every reason to be proud of her she sounds like an amazing beautiful girl. It’s so hard for us to understand why things happen, any a life is cut short when clearly they have so much to offer the world. I personally can only think their is a higher power and though we don’t understand He does. I did not want to just read about your Emma and not respond I wish I knew what to say to help your heart heal even if just temporarily. You have expressed beautiful memories of her and I know you find comfort in those memories. You’ll be in my thoughts and I’ll say a prayer for you, Emma, and the rest of your family.
Praying for your family multiple times a day <3
I’m so sorry for the anguish you are going through. I’m sure it will be for a lifetime unfortunately. I know my sister lost her 9 year old daughter to the 24 hour flu and it is a struggle and a process. Parents are supposed to go first . My sister and I very close and between us we had 6 kids who were together every day and I know for kids it is also hard because they are always trying to protect us and our feelings. You guys will have stages you go through with grief and yes people don’t know what to say and are uncomfortable with not knowing what to do to ease your pain. But I know for us talking about her and memories help ease it, also counseling especially for the surviving children it it difficult for them to understand death at any age but a child when as we know they think they are invincible and that only happens to other people. For my sister the thought of never holding her again was the hardest part for her, she would tell me her arms and heart would ache for her.I don’t know if I’m helping but just wanted to share our story and maybe something would help. Do what you have to do for you. Cry, scream,get mad, pray, but also keep yourself busy but not to busy to ignore the pain you néed to heal. You will always think of her and the what ifs and yes you will think about the things you won’t get to see. But it does ease in time. I know you don’t know me and scores of others you don’t know but we do care and we are here. Please don’t apologize for the process your going through, if people don’t understand then they know how to remove themselves for seeing your post. Talking is good, sharing memories for your precious daughter make all of us honored you feel safe sharing your beautiful memories with us. Thank you
Your arms do actually ache. It is real. I am so sorry for the loss of your niece.
Tiffany,
I am so very sorry this has happened. I cannot begin to imagine this pain you and your family have. There are no right words. I hope that you and your family feel the love from people around you and even those like me who have never met you in person. I hope you continue to hear stories about Emma that you never knew. By the stories you do hear, know she was so very loved. Also know that you and Paul did an amazing job and that SHE knew just how much yall loved her.
Everyday I pray for you and your family to find some way to live with this tragedy. Just going through the motions gets you through the day right now. My heart breaks for you. Much love and prayers.
Tiffany
I have never met Emma, however she seems like absolutely amazing young lady. I am sincerely sorry for your lost. I can’t imagine what you are going through.
You and your family are in my daily prayers. Thank you so much for sharing. You never know who you may help. May God bless you and keep you.
I enjoyed reading your memories of Emma. Praying for you and your family!!
Tiffany, I wish I had just the right words, but there are no words that can take away your pain and grief. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through – I have lost my parents and my husband, but that is not the same as the loss of a child. I understand what you mean about people avoiding the topic when they run into you, or “how ARE you” and you want to shriek “how do you THINK I am”? You never “get over” someone you love passing away, and that mountain of grief you are climbing completely wears you down. When my husband passed, I just put it on auto-pilot for the sake of my kids. Not sure I ever grieved properly. It was all about getting them through it. But I’m not sure you ever totally get through it. Again, speaking from a spouse standpoint, and not that of a parent who has lost their child, one day it hit me that, not only had I made it to the top of that mountain, but I even managed to get to the other side. Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace, and there is no right or wrong when it comes to grieving. Please take care of yourself, and your family, and share your thoughts and feelings whenever you feel the need. Your couponing family is here to listen and support you.
Tiffany,
Your loss is a great adventure for us that did not know Emma. Through your eyes we are seeing what a wonderful mother and person that you are to have raised such a loving, gentle, caring person. The black hole that you speak of, you can not go into it dear. It is a deep endless hole with no escape and you have 6 other children and a wonderful husband and family that need you. May God surround you and your family with His mercy and strength. Know that He is always there and can carry you through all of this. May your memories always be loving ones and may your pain be less.
You and your family are in my prayers. God Bless you all.
Tiffany you and your family will continue to be in my prayers. What you wrote about Emma was beautiful. Since I don’t know you but from the coupon work shop I loved hearing all about your precious angel! I pray for your peace and comfort in such a difficult time.
Thanks for sharing, Tiffany. Praying for you today. BIG HUG.
God bless you Tiffany & Paul your are great parents & your kids are proof of that.. sending prayers that as the holidays approach you lift Emma in spirit and cherish all those times & memories you have of her..
I know of this blog because of my friend Melissa Eisenmann…. And as a mom who has also lost a child I want you to know you are not alone. I’m sure you gave many people reaxh out to you in this terrible tragic loss of your precious beautiful daughter but count me as just one more if nothing else. I read your post in celebrating who Emma was and who I believe she still is in Heaven. It made me cry tears of compassion for your family but also tears of joy in seeing what a little firecracker Emma was. The truth is in losing a child is that you are not losing your mind it does in fact get harder as time goes on. That lasts a good bit. But I can also tell you that after even more time goes by it gets better in a sense of there are longer stretches in between the intense grief. – first you don’t know if you will make it a day without bawling… Then you may go some time and then it hits you like a ton of bricks all over again. I promise you this: (my daughter went to heaven 5 years ago and although the pain doesn’t get better…. The joy does come back. It’s just a different normal. Things will never be the way they were before -not in this life…. But there will be joy again and your heart will always have a hole but I PROMISE ONE DAY who knows when you will be able to smile more than cry and celebrate more than feel like you are drowning in your grief. Give yourself permission to grieve well. There’s no right way to grieve except to not. It can look pretty messy at times and give yourself grace because everyone else will. This hole in your heart give you so much passion ar the right time for loving others more than you ever knew possible and God will do something with this thats extravegently beyond what you could ever imagine but for now just FEEL and do whatever you need to for You, your healing, and the celebrating of Emma’s life. She truly is a beautiful girl and your heart as a mom is incredible. I am but a stranger and yet I feel like I know Emma. Thank you for sharing out of your vulnerable places, thank you for your transparency. Keep crying writing and if you get angry that’s okay too. There’s plenty or rocks to throw at a tree and God will not turn his ear if you tell him how angry you are. IM here if you ever need to talk.
Love and Hugs
Gracie’s Momma
Mari Burton
Mariratina@gmail.com
I am so very sorry for your loss as well. Thank you so much for reaching out to me.
And now I’m sitting in Panera, crying over my salad as life goes on around me. Not sure what I could say that I or someone else hasn’t already, but you are so loved – Emma is so loved, your family is so loved. This was terribly hard for you to write, I know, but it’s amazing, Tiffany – just as amazing as Emma. Remember, Emma learned from you and Paul; she will carry on through you as well.
I enjoyed reading about Emma!, thanks for sharing with me.
Hang in there mama!.
My heart breaks for you while reading this very personal post! I have three daughters and I cannot begin to imagine how you must feel. Reading your words inspires me to be a better Mom to my daughters! I will make sure to hug them more, appreciate every single second that I have them and to make sure that they know just how important they are! I will say a prayer for you, your family and for Emma. I want you to know how brave I think you are for sharing your words and your story with us all. You are an amazing, strong, beautiful and inspiring person who has made a major shift in this Mom’s way of thinking. May you find peace and comfort knowing that Emma has touched so many lives in so many ways and that she will live on in the memories and stories that you continue to share as well as in the lives of those who she touched with her grace. God Bless
Thank you so much, please give your girls a big hug
I can’t even begin to say how sorry I am.I can’t imagine what you’re going through we bring our kids into the is world and always pray that we will be the first to leave but sometimes God has other plans for our life plans we don’t understand but his timing is perfect and never does anything out of order…I would like to sit here and say the pain will go away and time makes it easier but I don’t know if that’s true Emma was your child and you should be able to cry as much as you need..but one thing I do know is that God will comfort you and eventually bring that smile back ..
My thoughts and prayers are with you all every day! I can’t even imagine what you are going through and my heart breaks for you. (((hugs))) Please continue to share your stories about Emma.
So sorry for you and your family’s loss of your baby girl.
And her extremely sophisticated musical tastes! We drove back from Iowa together and she asked if she could play her ipod. I was shocked at how much music she had from different generations. I told her I needed to copy the whole playlist!
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter, and I cannot imagine what you and your family are feeling every day. Can I say this one thing to you, every day walk outside and put your face to the sky and feel the soft gentle breeze, that is your sweet little angel kissing you from above and letting you know she is with you always. I taught this to my step daughter when we lost her mother, and it helped us and it still does to this day, three years later. You are forever in my thoughts in prayers, God bless you and family everyday. He will give you strength to get through those rough days , because he will be carrying you..
And how about her exceptionally sophisticated musical tastes! She drove back from Iowa with me once and asked if she could listen to her iPod on the main stereo. I was amazed at how much of her music was from different generations. I told her I needed to copy her entire playlist.
I am so very sorry this happened to your family. Reading about Emma and her personality leads me to the conclusion that God truly needed her with him to continue doing good in a different way.
You and your family are in my prayers. May God grant you peace in this difficult time.
I love all of these memories! I know Emma loved you too. Please keep your chin up – pushing through one hour at a time. Praying for you and your family.
My heart aches for you, there is no words I can say to make you feel better. All I can say is continue to cherish the memories you had with her.
GOD BLESS.
I have never lost a child to death. I cannot imagine the hell on earth you are going through. My heart breaks for you and your sweet family
I am so sorry for your family lose! I don’t wish anything like that on anyone, I can’t imagine losing my 1 year old. But I know our God is good and Emma is in great hands better then anyone on this earth. Cry,laugh, and share memories as they are so good because someday yall will all rejoice with your baby girl again. I pray for strength for your family and that God continues to bless everyone and guide you in the right direction to get through your lost. We know she’s in a better place then us as a parent having to worry about our children out in this crazy world we live in today.Love you guys stay strong!
I live behind Kim and David Blair and I have been out of the country for 4 weeks or I would have sent my condolences sooner. I am so, so sorry, my heart justbreaks for you. Emma sounds like the most wonderful, kind girl and I wish I had had the honor to have met her. I have two grown daughters, also kind and good, so I understand your deep love for this special daughter, and I can’t imagine your pain. What I do know is that we often hear happy, fun sounds from your backyard and we always said that sounds like a very happy family. I hope you can find comfort in the memories of a wonderful girl and know you gave her a family and siblings and love that made her life happy.
Kristine, thank you so much.
Dear, Tiffany
I am so sorry for your lost, I will pray for you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your Emma with us. It is so special to get to know someone who is so extraordinary.
I know the pain of losing a child and you are right, your heart has been ripped in two, one piece here on earth and the other in heaven. I wish there was something that someone could say/do to take on some of this pain for you, just for a little while, to shoulder the grief so that you don’t have to feel it so strongly. However, this grief is yours to walk through and there is only a way through it, not around it.
I know those words are not encouraging, but know that there are many of us that are walking through it with you, friends, friends and even strangers that you can lean on or just turn to and scream out. You are not alone in this journey. Emma is still with you and guiding others to you as well. You are not alone in wth grief.
Again, thank you for sharing part of Emma. I look forward to hearing more about her through your blog.
Thank you so much
Just remember she loved you very much an she wouldn’t want you to suffer so much.as Iwould too suffer so much from the loss of a beautiful child.and Iuunderstand completely your pain.there is a beautiful place called heaven.I wish it was here on earth and all my loved ones who left us could come back.we will go on.for all that are still here.we must.I’mso sorry
Thank you so much for sharing. Your family has all been in my prayers, especially as school was getting back started. I can imagine getting back and trying to find some sort of new “normal” is so, so very tough. I can tell lots of people loved Emma and it through you and the people that she touched that show the rest of us who never met her how amazing she was. Lots of Love.
You and your family have been in my prayers since we found out. I can’t imagine the pain of losing your child.
If it makes you feel any better, you and Paul obviously raised a wonderful daughter. We don’t know why God needed her now but I’m sure there was good reason. Unfortunately, it was her time to go be with him. We just never know.
Thank you for sharing. We are constantly keeping you in our family’s prayers.
Although I didn’t know Emma, I can feel how beautiful she was inside and out. She was simply an angel on Earth.
Prayers for you and all your family. I know how draining and painful this is for you because I’ve been in your place. There is no time limit on grief.
I know that a stranger on the internet doesn’t make your grieving any easier, but I want you to know that I am praying for comfort and peace for you and your family. I just read about your beautiful Emma, and I am in tears thinking about the giant hole in your hearts. I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s all I can do, and all I can think to say. I am so, so sorry. A pure and lovely soul gone too soon from this earth.
Thank you so much. Thank you for the prayers
My heart aches for you. I can feel your pain in your words. I can not and not say I know your feelings. I don’t. I can somewhat relate, as I have lost someone very close, my daddy. But as a mom of two, I can not begin to imagine your hurt. There are not really any words I can say to relieve your grief. No words to heal your sorrow. There is nothing in this earthly world that will help.
I only know of two things that can help to make it easier to breathe. GOD and TIME.
Your other children need you. They are feeling the same hurt. Be strong for them and your husband. More often than not… It is us women who seem to pull it together and rally the others and bring them out of the deep darkness of hurt.
She is still there in many ways. No not physically. Yet if you watch and pay attention there will be moments when you know in your heart that she is right there next to you. Hold tight to those precious moments.
You, your husband, and your children are in my heart felt prayers. I’m praying for strength, guidance, joy, and healing. I know that Our Father will help you through this. Rest easy in the fact that you will see her precious face and smile when you reach the other side.
Take care, God Bless.
Julie
Thank you so much
The loss of a loved one is hard. There is that feeling that you get when you wake up of was it just a dream and it all just hit you again and again everyday. Many people will tell you that time will heal your wounds, that is true. Over time you will not get over it you will learn to live with it(from my experience). That darkness seems to fade away when you learn how to go through the day and think about your loved one and you stay in your happy place and not slip into a funk. Cherish all the memories you have, talk to anyone that will listen, do what you have to do start a healing process. My prayers are with you and your family.
Prayers, Blessings and Love for you and your family.
I never realized how much Emma and my daughter, who is the same age, are alike, including the baby stuff. Although, not the athletics. 🙂 Beautiful tribute Tiffany.
Thank you Brittany
What a beautiful tribute to your amazing daughter. May you feel comfort knowing that many are praying for your family. May you feel the loving embrace of our Lord as he holds you in the palm of his hand. Grief is so devastating. Thank you for sharing her with us -what a brave and loving Mom you are. Be kind to yourself. Don’t try to “should” yourself. I should be better today. I should be getting back to my routines.
Tiffany I am so SORRY for you, Paul and Emma’s siblings. I don’t dare to know how you feel but I thank you for sharing your family with us. It mak s me reach out and live my family everyday as If its my last. So, if it held s you at all just know that you are countining to help in ways you can never know. THANK YOU My prayers are with you and your Beautiful family.
I’m so very sorry for the unimaginable loss of your beautiful daughter, Emma. The world lost a beautiful soul.
Beautifully written. Prayers for your sweet family.
Hugs and prayers…..
I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. I know your heart is heavy and there is so much pain its overwhelming. I don’t know you guys personally but have followed you on fb. I have read all your posts and looked at your pictures and even cried. It is going to take time to grieve and eventual accept what has happened to Emma. She was a beautiful young woman! Celebrate all the goodness Emma brought to your lives, she still lives within all of you and will always be with you! Don’t let this black hole suck you in, fight with all your might, your family needs you to stay strong. Emma was amazing! There are no quick fixes, only time will heal your heart. Be patient and take it one day at a time. I will pray for you guys.
i am overwhelmed with pain for you I have two boys and I can’t imagine life without them. Two years ago I found out that I had stage 3b cervical cancer I was so scared not for me but for my children I thank God that I know him personally and that’s the only real peace u will have I will be praying for your family God bless
I do not know you or your family other than what I know from following you and your husband’s blogs.
My heart breaks for you, your family and the life you now live without your Emma. One of my dear friends opens her eyes today at the reality her son Jordan has been gone six years…another friend lost her Christopher 15 years ago. I can not imagine the pain all of you live with….but I have watched my friends find ways to keep their son’s memories with them and still live through the heartache with such grace. May Emma’s life always shine…and may her light help bring you through your dark days.
Grief will look different for each of you in your family. Allow yourself and your family time to grieve….Grief is a process with no timeline. Thank you for sharing Emma with us. You are blessed to be her mother. May you feel the prayers of all who pray for you now and in the days to come….
Thank you for sharing those memories, looks like she learned how to give and teach like her parents. This makes me cry and smile cause she is so happy in these pictures. She lived life to the fullest and never took her time with family and friends for granted, we should all live like this?
My heart breaks for you as I read this. I am so very sorry. I will be praying for you and your family. Truly, I am deeply saddened by your loss.
It will get better. ((hugs)) You will never stop missing her but it will get to a point that you can remember her beautiful spirit without the elephant sitting on you, taking your breath away. You’ll find your way in this new, sadder world, and you will all find joy and be OK.
Thank you for sharing your daughter with us. It’s an honor and a joy to see and hear about Emma. We live in Tomball and I thought about you all during the day on that Sunday and Monday. My heart is heavy and full of love and prayers for you and your family and for Emma. I’m so sorry and you are right no one knows what to say. I read that a hug is just right when you don’t know what to say or how to express it. Just know that us mother’s and grandmother’s are sending you a great big hug and prayers. I mean it. You are surrounded by love. If you ever need a coffee or a coke, and someone just to sit and listen, I’m only 15 minutes on the back side of The Woodlands!
Thank you so much
Tiffany, I can not even begin to imagine how hard this is for all of you. I pray that you find the strength to face each day the best you can. Take comfort knowing that you are loved and that everyone is thinking of you and wishing they could help ease your pain.<3
I did not personally know Emma but my daughter is 15 and plays softball in the Spring/Woodlands area. There were a lot of mutual friends that I realized we had. It breaks my heart to hear your pain and I am very sorry for your loss. I have never experienced such a loss and not sure of the exact words to say, but I am sending prayers to you and your family that you have strength to make it through this difficult time!!
Tiffany, I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain. I’m so glad you shared your stories about your beautiful Emma. Not having met her in real life, I feel like I know who she was now and I’m sorry that I never had the chance to meet her. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. *hugs*
Thank you, Tiffany for your beautiful and heartfelt tribute to your amazing daughter. What incredible parents you and Paul are for having raised such an awesome human being. She will be sorely missed by all whose lives she so unselfishly touched. As a mother of five myself, my heart breaks for you. Please remember that a loving God will never leave you nor forsake you. Give your grief over to him and let your heart heal. Hugs to you and Paul and your wonderful family. Take good care of yourselves as surely Emma would want it that way.
I cant even begin to image the pain that you are experiencing with the loss of your precious daughter. I am (and have been) praying for peace that only the Lord can give you. Blessings to you and your family.
Tifanny – This is a beautiful tribute to your daughter. She is a beautiful young lady and that kindness that shone through her comes from you & Paul! She learned all those wonderful character traits from y’all. You have every reason in the world to be exceedingly proud of your daughter. I wish I could tell you definitively when the sun will shine for you again, but it takes a while. Be kind to yourself, be patient. Know that God loves her and she is safe at home with Him ~ for whatever reason, He knew her time on earth has come to an end and (out of love for her) He saw that this would be His way of healing her. He knows your pain, He hears your cries, and He will slowly and gently help restore your hope and faith. Know that Emma’s passing was not to hurt you, but to grant to her no suffering and a complete healing. Sending you, Paul and the kiddos much love, light, prayers and healing energy! ❤️
Thank you
I really feel inadequate with words in such a situation but I just wanted you to know that you have been in my thoughts and prayers since you first posted the heart breaking news about your daughter. I am so so saddened by your loss and keep breaking down into tears thinking about the pain and suffering your family is going through now. My heart goes out to you.
Emma sounds like a wonderful young lady. I am soooo very sorry for your loss. Your children and husband need you and you need them so be strong.. as hard as it is.
You and your family are in my prayers.
I am so, so sorry for your family. Your lose really hits home for me. I will try and pray for you, your family and your beautiful daughter that left you all too soon. I understand talking about it and telling stories helps, so continue to do what you need too.
Michelle
Prayers from Indiana
I just want to wrap my arms around you. Prayers for you and your family.
I continue to pray for you and your family.
I am not the best with words. I don’t have the best things to say and I can’t ever take the pain away. But I love hearing your Emma stories so please keep telling them. And I am truly sorry for your loss. And I am so sad that I never got to meet her. I only hope that my daughter will grow to be that kind of young lady. You and Paul did an amazing job in such a short time. I can only offer my cyber ((HUGS)) and you can them as often as you want. And of course you have my prayers.
Thank you
What a beautiful testament of Emma you shared with us today. She obviously had an amazingly, loving soul. I love the smiles you and Emma have looking at one another on the raft…if memory serves me correctly, that stop of your trip was spur of the moment to go ahead and go this summer, but then again it was God’s plan for you to have that time together. She sounds like she truly was a gift from God. And yes, she should be here with us and definitely should be more Emma’s in this world. I will continue to pray for you and the family. Hugs and love to you, Bitsy
Thanks for sharing…I’m so sad and I didn’t even know her! Can’t even fathom what you must be going thru. Pray our God will make something good out of this.
Wrapping you around with infinite love, peace and healing prayers. Thank you for sharing your pictures and memories of Emma she was amazing. I love the story of the Candy House. My family and I used to live in the area (we’re now in GA) and we still drop by that shop when we are in TX.
I know you don’t me, we have never met, I simply shared one of your posts and since then, I have been following your story for a couple reasons. You’re helping heal not only yourself, but others that are grieving from a loss, by talking about it, sharing her and your love with the rest of us. October 13th will mark one year that my beautiful daughter passed away at the age of 19, as with you I was CRUSHED, ruined, nothing left for me, no reason to continue, she was and IS my everything. I’m here to tell you, the pain doesn’t leave, the crashing waves of grief and saddness don’t stop, however… they do easier to move through and eventually you’ll be able to make it through the day without crying, then two, then a week. It doesn’t mean you’re losing her memory, it’s a way for us to be able TO cope for the rest of the family. My heart is with you and your family. Keep up what you’re doing, it truly does help with the “bad” days 🙂
I am so sorry for your loss. It is a terrible thing that we both have to go through. Thank you so much for your advice.
Sorry beyond words for your loss!!!! My heart goes out to you and your whole family!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your memories of Emma with us. Emma truly sounds like a young lady full of grace and beauty, with a pinch of fiesty! You have been blessed to have such daughter in your life.
I cannot know your hurt and sorrow, but I know the pain must be unbearable. I do not have artistic or technological skills to make a memory book or video – possess no fresh words for a poem of love, nor sweet songs to sing through tears. However, I have prayer – prayers that God carry you through this journey of hurt and pain, prayers for rest and sleep, and prayers that you will someday feel joy again, for you, for Paul and for the love of your sweet, sweet daughter. Thank you for sharing of her beauty and love!
Thank you
Emma sounds like one of the sweetest girls you could ever meet! My heart is broken for you and the rest of your family, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you feel on a daily basis. I pray that you will heal as much as one can heal through somethingso awful. Thank you for sharing Emma with us.
Praying you receive much mercy and grace through all of this.
Tiffany,
Your words are so beautiful. I hope your writings and sharing your thoughts and feelings will help to bring you some peace. Your sweet Emma would love all the wonderful things you are sharing with the rest of us. As a mother, my heart aches for you as this is something no parent should ever have to endure. I pray God will provide you some peace and comfort so you can find your way. You need to do so for you know that’s what your precious girl would want.
I only recently met at a class in Kentucky, but I could tell what a kind, caring, funny and all around lovely person you are. I hope all the outpouring of caring thoughts will help you during this time of such pain and sadness.
God bless you, Paul and your entire “litter”
Hugs and prayers,
Paula
Jeffersonville, IN
Thank you for sharing these memories of your sweet Emma. What a precious, wonderful girl. Please keep talking, sharing your memories, and allow us the honor of hearing about her. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your family. So much love going your way.
Tiffany
I have been following this site for about 5 years and seen the family grow. I could not imagine what y’all are going thru. My thoughts and many prayers for all of you.
Thank you
The love you have for your children and your family is amazing to witness. Although I do not know you or your family, you all have been so inspiring, and you continue to inspire, even in your loss. I feel so terrible for your family, there are no words. I don’t know you and I’ve cried for you. I can feel the love you have for your family and the love your community has for your beautiful Emma. Please know that you have so many prayer warriors supporting you all.
Thank you for sharing your memories of Emma. Although I have never met you or your family, my heart breaks for you and the pain you carry. I have no wisdom to offer except that God hasn’t forgotten you and I will continue to pray for you and your family.
I came across your blog one day and decided to add it to my favorites. Every few days or so I religiously check my favorite blogs. Never in a million years did I expect to open yours and have to read that you had lost your daughter. I have tears as I type this as I attempt to understand why any parent should lose their child. i know you must go on for you other children but do know and accept that you are only human and that you do have the right to breakdown. I believe that Emma is looking over her entire family with a smile. My heart & deepest condolences go to you & yours.
Thank you so much. I just can’t believe this has happened to our family. I am just in complete denial I think.
So sorry, Tiffany. We are praying for all of you.
i am so sorry Tiffany. My heart is broken for you and your family. Emma sounds like an amazing person and she will be truly missed by all that were blessed enough to know her.
I have never met you or your family inn person, but have followed your and/or Paul’s blogs since I started couponing, and you started any blogs about 7 years ago, so have kind of watched the kids growing up, and delighted in reading stories of them/seeing pictures. Emma’s passing really hit me hard. It also happened right around my only child, my son’s, 22nd birthday, giving me extra special reason to hold him close. He is my miracle child, I tried a long time, as I am diabetic with a lot of health problems, and was told I would not get pregnant, then when i did, was told the pregnancy would not sustain, and then he came almost 8 weeks early. he is a strapping healthy young man, and I am forever grateful after a hard childhood of constant sickness- preemies have it hard. He was all I was able to have, and I am eternally grateful. My heart was torn apart when I read of Emma, and I pray daily for you, paul and the kids. I have cried many tears for you all, and spent many hours on my knees in prayer for you. I have been deeply affected by her passing, and by the good she did in this world, and how I could continue to carry that on, and have her memory honored. so today, one month from her passing, I took 3 children to get school supplies and clothes their parents had no way of affording, in honor of Emma, and explained it was because of a young girl who was no longer here with us, who was so giving to others, always trying to help them, always looking to give what she could, always helping those who needed a friend, that I was doing it. I was doing it to honor her!
#forouremma
Oh thank you so much. Thank you for doing that. Thank you for following us for so long and being apart of our family.
of course i went to walmart, and used coupons, and it was to me, full circle… it is because i learned through you all, to use coupons, and save money using coupons, that allowed me to be able to afford to help these children. i also forgot to add, each child got a small bag of tootsie rolls, and was told in the story of why i was doing this, emma’s love of tootsie rolls!!! 🙂
As hard as that probably was for you to write, it truly was so nice to read. there are no words for how hard it must be to lose a child. I have not lost a child but I did lose my mother at the young age of 8. That was a life changing event for me. It was so tough that I lost all my memories of her. So I say, continue to do everything you can to keep her memories present. Document all these events in some way so that you can keep her close. I love hearing things about who my mom was still today and I am now 42. My heart goes out to you and your family. I pray that you will have peace. I know it does not feel like it now but time does heal your heart. There are still tough days that I don’t feel like it is fair but they are a lot farther apart. I think they are good because they make me think about all the good I have in my life now and how I wouldn’t want them to change just to go back even though that probably seems like a really bad thing to say. Keep thinking about her and sharing the wonderful person that she was. You and your husband have done a great job! She came from you and I strongly believe that kids are a product of their parents. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
I didn’t know Emma personally, but I can see that she wad such a Beautiful young lady. You and your family age are in the Hester’s Prayers Always. God Bless you andstrengthen you.
From my family to yours.
Emma touched the lives of you as a parent and as a kind human being to those she met. As much as that is loss it is also a great tribute to not only the individual she was but the result of the lives she touched. It is that footprint that each of us leaves on the world and others that changes, molds, and helps another bear the hardships of lives. I know your story touches my heart and by sharing it I feel you are not only helping your own grieving heart but touching the lives of others. It is that sharing of human experience that helps each of us realize that none of us are alone and no matter how long each of us is here…we leave a footprint in the lives of those we meet. Emma sounds like she accomplished much in her life and it is a reminder of how much each day we have can make the lives of other’s brighter.
I’m sorry for your loss. I hope the good memories while a mix of feelings now will help heal your heart in time so one day you can fondly recall the blessing you call Emma with a smile. I really believe it is those we love and miss most that have the greatest impact in their time here. She will always be your daughter and a footprint on your heart that is part of your own legacy in the lives of others.
Maybe this link might help a bit:
http://www.thatericalper.com/2015/08/16/person-is-asking-for-advice-hn-how-to-deal-with-grief-this-reply-is-incredible/
(((hugs)))
Thank you for sharing your beautiful daughter with us. I will keep all of you in my prayers.
Tiffany – Even though I do not know you or your family, except through your blog, I have thought of you several times over the last month. I cannot even begin to imagine the grief that your family is facing, but have said several silent prayers every time I think of you. Please know that your blogger friends are here to support you in thoughts and prayers even if we not there in person to do so. Please continue to share more of your thoughts, feelings and memories of your sweet Emma to remind us how precious life and our families are.
Thank you so much
I love reading about Emma. Please keep sharing. Sending all of huge hugs! xoxoxoxoxo
Words escape me. I am not sure what to say that will really capture what Emma’s story has done in my heart. I was so touched by your words, your deep love and genuine admiration for your lovely daughter. When you write about her I can feel your loss in your words and it takes my breath away. Like a punch to the gut. I have 5 children and I picture the shoe on my foot and it is a physical and mental picture that I quickly shut down. You are states, (Colorado) away and we will probably never meet, but I have grown to know your family through your blogs (Iheartthemart too) I am heartbroken for your family, but especially you (mom thing) I am praying for your family. I don’t have any answers only wanted to know you have touched my heart with your words about your daughter. She was so special, your family and community will miss her greatly It just doesn’t seem fair. God’s blessings for you and your family. Know that you are in my prayers.
Thank you so very much. She was my best friend.
First, I would like to say how sorry I am of your lost. Secondly, I would like to add, “to be absent in the body, is to be present with the Lord!” Your daughter was an amazing and beautiful young lady. We know because she had a great mother to prove it. Your sweet words of your baby girl, gave us a glimpse of this precious angel. I will continue to lift you and your family up in prayer.
~Nickey~
Thank you
Thank you for sharing your precious Emma. She is so beautiful. I had a baby die as a infant many years ago and I remember no one knew what to say. I grieved for years with many “What ifs”. One night on the radio I heard Steve Green sing “Jesus Rocking Chair” and I was able to picture my baby sitting on His lap. I pray that you can picture your Emma holding Jesus hand and walking through heaven. Remember that He has promised that He will never desert you or forsake you. I am praying for God to wrap His arms of comfort around you and your family.
I don’t know you and your family, yet was devastated when my wife told me the news. I have 3 kids of my own. So glad you found it in you to give us an update and share those awesome memories. That is all I know to do from losing my dad in high school – remember the good times.
Thank you
Unfortunately there is no good or bad way to deal with grieving. I think talking is your best outlet. Remember that there are 5 stages to grieving;
D-Denial
A-Anger
B-Bargaining
D-Depression
A-Acceptance
There is no easy way to deal with it especially when you think in the years ahead that your child will out live you. I lost my mother when I was 22 and when I finally knew that I was able to accept it (notice I said accept, because you will NEVER get over it, you just learn how better coping skills and how to deal with death) was when I remembered what I was mad at her for. Before her passing I had not talked to her for a whole month. I did not know how she felt, what she looked like or what she was thinking. This year on the 4th of July, it came back to me. A whole 10 years later. Death is a process in life that no matter how we try to, we can’t avoid it. I am so sorry for your loss as this is traumatic for your couponer friends as we follow and see pics and post of your every day life that involves you and your family. Many prayers and condolences to you and yours. I can’t say I understand because I have not lost a child so I would not begin to say I can share the emotion but I again can say I will share a prayer. Many blessing to you and yours as this is a process. Its ok to be angry, its ok to be hurt, its ok to ask why and be frustrated and don’t let anyone tell you anything different.
Be blessed love <3
Continuing to pray for you all. Love and Hugs!
You write so beautifully about Emma that I feel like I knew her. What a wonderful girl, and an especially wonderful friend. Your words brought me to tears and I pray for healing for you and your family. God bless you.
I am so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine the pain you feel, I pray for your strenth, and my God continue guide you and your family. She is your Angel in Heaven. God Bless you.
I in no way can relate to what you may be feeling from the loss of a child. I have four of my own including an Emma and it pains me to even consider something happening to one of them. Your Tucker and my oldest daughter Kayleigh have mutual friends we have cried and prayed for you and your family. I lost my mother at a very young age and because of that loss I had a very special bond with my father. I lost him two years ago, and I will tell you that it was by far the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life. I cried every single day for 8 months my heart was literally broken it is still very hard for me to talk about him without getting all teary and I can’t listen to the radio if I am driving by myself because no matter what my thoughts always go to him. The only thing that gave me any kind of peace was my faith. I knew that this was in God’s time. I don’t know how I would have gotten through without it. I will be praying for you and your family. May God keep you and strengthen as you continue to go through your grieving process. Much love to you and your family.
Thank you so much. I am so sorry for your loss as well
I am sooo sorry for your loss. But I am thankful for you sharing Emma’s life with us.
I feel like I lost a friend even so I didn’t know her. I’ve been crying reading about your story and it makes me oh so more grateful that I am able to hug my daughter. Hearing about your pain, I promise you I will cherish every day I have with my daughter and I will love her, hug her and let her know how much she is loved. Life is sooo fleeting, but we easily take our loved ones for granted. Reading your story, brings awareness to take nothing for granted and to be thankful for what we have. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR MAKING A DIFFERENCE IN PEOPLES LIFES.
Sending you and your family LOT’S OF LOVE & PRAYERS….
This is a beautiful tribute to your daughter Emma. Please know that I am praying for you, your husband, and your children.
I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful girl she was. My eyes are filled with tears and my heart is heavy for you. I’m not sure what happened to her, but how tragic. Godspeed sweet Emma! You left quite a footprint on the earth!
Just wanted to say sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family. I am sure Emma taught her siblings how to serve and be selfless. That memory will live on. Families are forever.
I’m a mother…same as you. I would not even consider the thought of one of my children going on before me. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying…a parent shouldn’t have to cremate their child…so I guess it’s usually bury…but you get my point. I’m just another one of your admirers that you don’t even know. I think I have passed you in our Kroger though. Almost celebrity moment for me. I’m not going to say all the things that most people say right now. I’m sure you get enough of that. What I think I should say is that you’re a tough wo…See I don’t think that we need the man after…so…Wo, not woman. That’s what we are…strong wo. you go forth and be a strong wo for your family and all those like me that think you are a great wo. My heart still goes out to you. We shouldn’t cremate our young. Your husband and children are in my thoughts. One great wo to another.
Tiffany–
Though I have never met you in person, I just know you from Couponing groups your story has been heavy on my mind for a long time now. I am so VERY sorry for your loss. It is a nightmare for anyone to loose a child, but it sucks just a whole lot more to see that she was an Angel. I know they say everything happens for a reason, and I am sure your thinking what kind of demented reason is there to take my precious daughter from me? My hero was my paternal grandmother. She grew up broker then broke fatherless during this depression. (He died when she was 2). From their she met my Pap. Life wasnt too bad. Babies came like clock work every 1.5 years. Tragedy struck in 1956. On a hot July afternoon 6 year old Kathy and 5 year old Bobby got a book of matches. She was in the house with my Uncle who was 8 months old. Before she knew what was going on she hears a man screaming. She runs to the back porch to see the Dogs wooden house FULLY ENGULFED into flames. The kids were out playing. There is no shade in our front yard. So they climbed in the dog house and one of them lit a match.
My Grandma didn’t set foot on the back porch for over 40 years. She went on to have 3 more children (my father was next). But she always would say to people “Loosing them does not ever stop hurting. You will just get used to the pain where it no longer hurts”.
Wow, I am so sorry. What a terrible thing to have to go through. Thank you for sharing.
Psalms 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in Spirit.
Praying for you and your family. Thanks for sharing your daughter goodness and your unbelievable grief. I will be sending extra special prayers for you to find your way thru this nightmare you are living in.
You have painted such a beautiful and loving picture of your daughter. She made the lives of so many people so much happier. People like Emma don’t cross our paths very often. We were so very lucky to have had her in this world, and I truly believe, in God’s mysterious way, she is still right here with you, wanting you to know that, and wanting all of you to know she is fine and still bringing her love to you.
Tiffany my heart breaks for you and your family and reading this made me cry. I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a child but what a special child she was. If the world was full of people like her imagine the kind of world it would be! You and Paul must be the most amazing parents to have brought such a wonderful girl into this world to share with others and how very fortunate you were to have had her in your lives even though your time together was cut short. I’m sure many others have mentioned that Emma would not want you to suffer and while that seems cliche I wonder what Emma would have done if she lost one of her siblings. Maybe you and your family can find strength in the days ahead just thinking “what would Emma do”? She was clearly a special angel here on this earth. Having lost my Mom 2 yrs ago you will all see signs from her if you allow yourself to. I know this firsthand. Please know that you and your entire family are in my thought and prayers. Remember although she is gone from this earth she will ALWAYS be in your heart and no one can ever take that from you.
Tiffany,
Although I have never met you or your family, I feel like I know ya’ll from your posts. My heart is broken for you and your family, as I have cried with you for Emma. I wish I had known her, she was a role model for all of us. Thank you for sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s hard to see where God is in all this, but trust that He is walking you through this. You only need to focus on today! I cannot imagine the pain you are facing, and I hope it encourages you to know that my family and I are praying for you and your family.
Oh Tiffany, your grief comes pouring out of your beautiful words. Although it would not do anything to comfort you, I want to just wrap you in a huge embrace.
As a mother, you have experienced something we think and pray would never happen. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, can expect you to rise up and just heal within a week or a month. Take all the time you need to cry and scream and yell at God. He can take it. He wants to take it. He wants to hear your voice in the midst of these dark times.
When I met you at a couponing class, I remember being in awe of you. Not because of your coupon expertise (although that is very impressive!) but because I found out you had seven children.
I remember thinking “WOW! That is one amazing woman!”
Yet there you were smiling and hugging us at this class helping us to save money and pouring into us. I bet Emma picked up some of that selflessness from you.
I wish this whole thing could be one ugly nightmare. I wish we could take your pain away.
But what we can do is pray. And I commit to praying for you and your entire family Tiffany.
You are a beautiful woman and I pray that as the days progress, you have just enough strength to rise. That you have just enough reason to smile. That you have just enough reason to hope and to laugh.
Nobody expects you to do anything or to do anything in abundance.
Thank you for sharing Emma with us. I never met her but I feel like I know her. And I pray that I can teach my children to be as beautiful and selfless as she was.
Praying for all of you. May He comfort you always.
Tiffany,
I love it that you feel you can share such heartwarming memories of your beloved Emma. Her memories will forever be in your heart. She will live through you,Paul, and her siblings. You have been blessed to have had such an awesome daughter. I know there will be many dark days ahead for all of you. Prayers are a mighty force that hopefully will help you through those days. When you are having a bad day maybe ask yourself “What would Emma do?” What advice do you think she would give you? Please continue to share your memories and thoughts. I can not pretend to know how you feel. But, I can tell you there are many other moms out there that do know how you feel unfortunately. It is very true that people don’t know what to say and how to respond but, don’t ever think for a minute that it is because they don’t care! I believe that every mother myself included have shared tears for your sweet Emma and the sorrow your family has suffered! I am so sorry that you are going through such pain? Please as one mom to another remember your other children are just as special and need you as much as you need them! You and your family are in our prayers! Will be looking forward to seeing more pictures and hearing about your sweet Emma. She may be gone but she won’t be forgotten!
Tiffany, Paul and family,
I’m so profoundly sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you all. Although I only *met* you from the couponing show, I’ve followed your clan through your blog ever since. You’ve always inspired me with your energy, creativity, capacity to care, ability to inspire and kindness. Your passion of having a big family and making time and not things count is another wonderful inspiration. Although we’ve never met I would grab and hug you and cry right with you, as I’ve managed to do several times since reading about Emma’s unthinkable departure form this earth.
While it is not comparable, my heart too has suffered great loss. Losing my mother at 23 when she was just 46 is my cruel reality. As I’m about to turn 50 this year it is with immense joy I celebrate but cannot still believe the depth of my grief at times.
May your faith be strong and know there are so, so many people praying for you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your Emma with us.
Mary
I’m so so sorry for you and your family! I can’t imagine your pain, your heartache, your struggle. I was reading a journal entry of a lady whose young daughter passed away 6 weeks ago from cancer and unfortunately I’ve read several more like it lately from parents who have list their children to all different circumstances and one thing I’ve noticed is they all have said that around 3-4 weeks after losing their loved ones that’s when the pain and reality really starts setting in and it starts hurting more and more everyday. In the first few days after you are in shock, things haven’t really sank in. You are busy calling people and planning services. They say it’s like you’re in a hazy fog and you kinda just run on auto pilot. Then comes the calm where the services are over, family and friends go home and don’t stop by as much. You have to deal with all the memories you have in your home. Plans you had. Lists of things to do that will remain undone. Time to think. That’s when it starts hurting like its never hurt before. You are not alone in this. I wish u and every other parent never had to deal with losing a baby. It’s so unfair. My heart breaks for you and all the other mothers who miss their babies right now. Please look into support groups. Grief groups for moms/parents. Maybe get your children in something similar because they too are experiencing a great loss as well. They might be afraid to talk to you cuz they see how hurt you are. I know sometimes they face their own mortality after losing a sibling. Although the road ahead is long and full of sadness let it also hold happiness and joy for all the time u did have with her and for all the time you still have with your other children. Keep including her in your everyday life and remind them who their sister was and how much they were truly loved by her. My praying for you and your family…hang in there momma and take it 1 minute at a time that’s all you can do!
Yes, you are exactly right. That is when it started getting bad.
You don’t know me but I visit your site daily and I live not 15 minutes from you. I first saw you and your husband on the local news talking about deals and that is how I started following you. I cried so hard as I read Emma’s story. Thank you for sharing that with us. Please know there are people who hold you, your husband, your family, and your beautiful daughter in their thoughts and prayers. I do not know what you’re going through and I have no power to help except to stand with you so that you know you are not alone and that you are heard.
Thank you
Keep the stories coming they are awesome and it will also help you to work thru the grief and pain. I feel so sorry for you or anyone else that has lost a child. That truly has to be the worst kind of pain there is. Hang in there Tiffany and family Hugs to all
Your writing is very touching. What a lovely way to share your beautiful daughters life.
My hope for you and your family is peace.
i am sorry for your pain , i really do know what it is like , i miss my son chad so much he has been gone 11 years now to a car wreck , i wonder if he would have had kids , even if he would have grew a mustache , such silly little things i think about , everyday , i cry for you and myself , your emma and my chad . he was 19 years old , so young i still miss him tiffany
I am so sorry! I am so sorry we have to do this, it just isn’t fair.
I have been reading your blog for years now and feel like you are family. You have helped my family save a great deal! I am so sad to hear about Emma. I am SOOO sorry for your loss. No parent should have to lose a child. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Tiffany, Paul and family,
As I am new to the coupon community on Instagram I saw a post in reference to Emma. I asked… what happen and I was referred to go read about Emma. What a tragedy! Yes, this is a horrible tragedy to lose a child. I have lost loved ones but cannot imagine losing a child. I am a mother of two boys one is 26 yrs. old and the other is 19 yrs. old. As I read along, My heart was so heavy and I couldn’t hardly breath reading how this occurred. It kind of played a scenario in my mind like a bad nightmare. I pray that God continue to give you and your family the strength to continue on. Love and prayers are with you all!