This is the hardest post I will ever have to write. It is only with all your prayers that I can even open the computer to do this today.
My perfect 15 year old daughter Emma, was killed on Monday night in a tractor accident at her great-grandmothers house. She was there helping my husbands aunt who was undergoing surgery and was spending 2 weeks helping take care of the ranch and animals. She was so excited. A few days before she was able to help a miniature donkey deliver her baby and Emma was beside herself with joy.
I am completely destroyed. My body has been ripped in half and my heart is ripped out. The grief is overwhelming and I feel like I can’t breath. I don’t know how to go on.
Emma is my right hand. She is responsible, loving and super smart. She is kind and has a way with little kids that is a blessing to watch. I could not wait to be a grandmother to her children. She was a mother since the day she was born. Emma has a natural instinct that many don’t have. She can recognize and anticipate what the needs of others are going to be and especially knows how to perfectly deal with little ones.
Emma is an avid reader and huge fan of Lord of the Rings and even Dr. Who. You would never see Emma without a book and her headphones.
But mostly Emma is just good. She is soooo good. Just a good sweet person. She is the person you want as your friend, your neighbor and on your team. She is so good and so kind.
Although I know I will see her again one day, selfishly as a Mother I want her here with me now. I want to see her children and play with them and be with her and talk to her. I want to hold her and tell her how much I love her and admire here. Tell her how beautiful she is and how I am excited for all the things she has to look forward to.
I really don’t know what to do, or how to even put one foot in front of the other. It seems completely impossible. I don’t know how I can ever be happy again, or enjoy anything. Yes, I realize I have 6 other kids who need me and are struggling as well. It is just so difficult to sort it all out in my head. I keep praying this is a horrible dream and I will wake up to find it is not real.
I am so grateful to the outpouring of love from all of you on Facebook and other messages. Although I have not yet responded, please know that I have read them and am thankful for you. I feel like you are my family event if we have never met.